Why I do the NerDgasm Quiz.

Fuck the schmultz! I love it!
I honestly do. Sure, overcrowding, tie-breakers, awkward publicans and soho crack-heads all stress me out and sometimes throw a spanner in the works, but its just a question of taking the spanner back out and hitting them over the head with it!
At the end of the night, if everyone has had a good time and enjoyed my merry NerDgasm Shenanigans then its all worth it.
NerDgasm is about riding a Grifter over to your mates after you'd watched Tizwaz when you were 10 years old.

Its about remembering how you felt when Darth Vader stepped onto the Blockade Runner in the opening 10 minutes of A New Hope. Its about how cool it was to see Hulk rip Wolverine in half and throw his legs up a mountain.

Sweaty hands clutching a d20,

the last level on Manic Miner, watching Doctor Who save the Universe again, opening a He-Man action figure, playing Top Trumps.....

All this and much more.

Its been going for well over a year now, and Im pleased to say it does have a devoted following, I think partly because there is nothing quite like it.
Where else can you listen the theme of Robocop, answer questions on how the Death Star's thermal exhuast port should be targetted and top it off with a talk about the rape scene in Marshall Law?

All this amongst the gentle company of other nerds.
It made my heart well with emotion to see two people actually playing Magic the Gathering when I arrived for the last NerDgasm quiz on Sunday. Truly, this is a special advent. It has perhaps become larger than me (although thats quite difficult) and is hopefully now about what each nerd brings to every NerDgasm. A point also labelled when a member of one team yelled a lamentful 'KHAAAAAAAAN....' as they slipped from 3rd place to 4th place when the scores were finally announced.

When I  first started it, I wanted to make it like a favourite TV programme that no nerd would ever want to miss. Hopefully this has worked on some level.
I personally work better under pressure, so although I have a basic framework for the quiz and have a pretty good idea whats going into each one, I usually leave everything to the last minute and frantically write questions, edit film clips and collect the sound bites a day or so before the quiz. I also do this as sometimes when new guests confirm attendance, I add questions that I think they will enjoy, and try at least to make what I think will be an even playing field. This has actually proved to be disastrous. I change questions, compile a new picture round, accomodate for the extra people, print extra sheets, add more prizes and fill more sweety bags only to find the bastards dont even turn up.
The worst fuckers are the nerds that I have spoken to, that I know would actually enjoy the NerDgasm if they could get their scrawny asses along, but instead whinge and whine about their barely adequate psychic defenses, saying: Im not very good at answering questions. Ooh what would the other nerds think if I got a question wrong? My skin begins to flake if I dont update my facebook page every 5 minutes. FUCKERS!
I also enjoy shopping for the mutlifarious prizes that feature every NerDgasm.
The prizes are a combination of things that I come across in shops and things I actively search for or find on eBay.
The sweets are now a permanent addition also, since they were added at the Halloween Quiz and seemed to go down so well. They are hand picked by me and lovingly placed in those stripey, paper bags that you all know and love.
May I just make a little reminder that the NerDgasm is 100% me. Its costs dearly of my time and funds, but the kudos I get in return is all worth it. The people I have met and the friends Ive made, and the friends that have been made by others, is really what the night is all about...... Oh ok. The night is about proving that you a far better than any of the other nerds that would even dare try to answer a question on She-Hulks cup size.

Vive la difference! Vive le NerDgasm!
See you for fun, friendship, and fuckery at the Easter NerDgasm!

Sweeeeet Caroline!

My First Lady of Fantasy!

Hot enough to fry bacon on that gorgeous mid-section is the perfectly formed Caroline Munroe, who comes in at my Primo slot.

As if starring alongside Doug McClure in ‘At the Earth’s Core’

as a savage, animal-skin clad, heaving vision of beauty, wasn’t enough, she also heaved her way through the Golden Voyage of Sinbad with her two fleshy hemispheres of delight almost bursting through her sequined ensemble,

was the deadly, seductively winking, chopper pilot, Naomi, in The Spy Who Loved Me, and was the only redeeming feature of one of the worst films, sci fi or otherwise, in existence: Star Crash, where she gives a whole new meaning to the term ‘curved space’.

John Williams score, Christopher Plummer stars, but it all starts to go down-hill once David Hasselhoff turns up…. Nah! Come to think of it the whole fucking film from beginning to end is a pile of feculence, Hasselhoff or otherwise. Please watch it if you like drumming your fingers, rolling your eyes and saying ‘for fuck sake!’

She also starred in innumerable horror movies, Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter and Dracula AD 1972 being two, among my favourites.

Worth noting is that she refused countless offers, during her career, to pose showing her beaver, split or otherwise. Her long term contract with Hammer for instance, had her turn down the lead roles in Doctor Jekyll and Sister Hyde, Frankenstein and the Monster from Hell, and Vampirella because they required nudity. It is also perhaps worth mentioning that she holds the distinction of being the only woman ever undeniably killed by James Bond in The Spy Who Loved Me.

Here she is still grinning and looking lovely at 61 years of age. Undauted by the hordes of sweaty nerds that must surround her at this fantasy convention.

The type of bird you would have married and still not been disappointed 30 years later. Cuh! I bet she wouldnt even mind rummaging through your old dusty back issues with you on a Sunday afternoon.
Gawd Bless her and all who sail in her!

I hope youve enjoyed oggling this flesh-fest as much as Ive enjoyed compiling it.
Please continue to tune in for the finest in all thing Nerdish!
Big D out.

GET YOUR ROCOS OFF!

Cleo Rocos (Rocco) is a joyful, vision of bountiful, bouncing, playful, delight. Kenny Everett’s faithful sidekick to the end; they say there’s nothing sexier than a woman with a sense of fun and a sinful sense of humour, and Cleo had that… and much more.

Early, saucy memories/mammarys of Cleo and the Hot Gossip girls on The Kenny Everett Show gave me the archetype of what I thought a woman should be like. Curvey, bouncy and fun. Rather like those inflatable castles.

Her antics on TV and the much forgotten film: Bloodbath at the House of Death, have ensured her a place in my heart, and in the top 10 Retro Nerd Babes. This half Greek, Brazilian born, boob laden, beauty, bounces in at a very respectable No.2

I once met her, and she was as divine in person as I could ever have imagined her. She called me ‘A big, noodley thing…’ and I loved her more for it. Aaaah to be Cleo’s Big Noodley thing.

She even let me phone my brother so he could talk to her as well (or rather pant heavily down the phone). She was just pure and genuine class, accompanied by two of the most familiar and well loved bosoms from my childhood.

Please tune in to my next blog for my final installment of the Hot Retro Nerd Babes Countdown!
Big D out.

Dusk till (soft) Porn

The lucky No.3 spot in our Top 10 Hot, Retro, Nerd, Babe Countdown is:

Ok. Now I might get some stick for giving this particular hot, babe the label: retro.
But... it was 15 years ago that my senses were first sexually assaulted by the vision that was Salma Hayek, emerging from a red, steamy aperture, with a symbolic, writhing, albino serpent, coiled sensually around her neck.
The little known name of her character was Santanico Pandemonium and the film was of course: Dusk till Dawn.

1996. Yes, that long ago. I remember having to wipe the saliva from my chin and lock myself in the toilet for 5 minutes, after that particular scene. She was nothing short of a fantasy vision, the like of which I thought was reserved only for when such artists as Frank Frazetta put pencil to paper. Just looking at her hips and thighs makes my hernia start to play up.
There is little more to say after that, other than express my utter disappointment at what she then became.

Errrrr.... Do any of you still recognise her? Yes, it is still Salma Hayek. Minus the whole lot woman flesh that made her the most sumptuous piece of pant arousing totty of the late 90s. When will the fashionistas of today realise that men do not like their women to look like pre-pubescent boys.
Well... men not of the clergy anyway.

Ok gents, loosen your pants and gaze in sexual awe at the Santanico Pandemonium snake dance!



Tune in to my next blog for some more nostalgic mammaries!
Big D out.

Jungle-Beast-Bond Babe!

The athletic poise, and taut physique of a panther. The striking blue eyes. The hairstyle that could withstand an attack from a Sabre-Tooth Tiger....

It can be no less than Tanya Roberts. An 80s uber-babe that takes no less than 4th place in my Hot Retro Nerd Babes Countdown.
Now, shame on you if you havent experienced her in any of her sexy incarnations. Replacing Shelley Hack in the final series (5) of Charlies Angels, absolutely stunning in fantasy romp Beastmaster,

showing even more rippling flesh in Sheena: Queen of the Jungle,

This shot made her gynaecologist blush.

and appearing where every good sex bomb should, as a Bond Babe, in View to a Kill.
She was one of the most popular sex symbols of the 80s.
The soft porn thriller Inner Sanctum seemed a little bit of a fall from grace in 1991, but there was little that the Bronx born, babelicious Tanya could have done that would have upset me, short of announcing she was actually a man in drag. (Although there were some shots in that particular film which would have made that statement highly unlikely.)
As is evident in my babe countdown, animal skin bikinis seem to play a big part in my formative titillation. But what can I say? Nothing says: Lets go behind that bush and make mad, passionate, animal sex... until we're caught, more than an animal skin bikini.
Please watch the trailer of one my favourite appearances of Tanya, and one of my favourite fantasy films of all time: The Beastmaster.


Tune in to my next blog for the lucky No.3 spot.
Big D out.

Bar-Bar-Bar, Bar - Barbarella

Jane Fonda's gorgeous, big haired, free-lovin', hippychick, space vixen takes a stand (or rather doggy postion) at our number 5 spot.
Now Ive got to be really honest and say I didnt see this semi-erotic, space tale until only a few years ago.
Ok. It did look dated, but I thought in a rather pleasant and nostalgic way. It still seemed to retain some of the hippy sentiments of the 60s and you even get more than one glimpse of Jane's perfectly, pert Boobarellas!
French and English versions were shot simultaneously, with Jane (being a fluent French speaker) doing her own lines in French. Let me say she is even sexier when speaking en Francais - ooh la la!

All said, the sex scenes are non explicit, but what did it for me was the scene where she is strapped into the Ex-sex-sive machine which is played like an organ (whoops, double-entrendre alert!) and adminsters sexual pleasure in doses that can be lethal. Well, the poor machine cant keep as Barbarella writhes and moans in ecstasy, and overloads. BOOM!
De Laurentis would return to camp sci-fi with the 80s classic Flash Gordon.

My only comparable Barbarella fantasy would be meeting a loved-up, tripped out sci-fi hippychick after having smoked too many Beatles records and perhaps having supped from a cup of  psychedelic fungus. I mean, I’ve been to enough festivals, taken enough dubious substances, and let my personal hygiene drop below the norm to tell you that drug-induced, free love aint all it’s cracked up to be.

Here, watch the truly gorgeous, Jane Fonda give a tititalling, zero-g, strip-tease as 1968 sci fi cult classic babe, Barbarella...

Tune in to my next blog were it becomes obvious I have an animal skin bikini fetish.
Big D out.

Planet of the Babe!

Next up is Linda Harrison… Who?

Oh, that’s the bird from Planet of the Apes to you nerds. (Not to be confused with the Linda Harrison that competed in the Slalom canoing events in the 1970s)

That sultry, simpleton. That curvaceous, cave-woman who could barely say her name or write it in the ground with a stick, let alone give you a shopping list or nag you to an early grave.

N.. No.. Nooova… (You all remember the scene)

Every mans dream, all this neonate minded, sex bomb wanted to do is sleep, eat, draw stick pictures in the sand, and shag like it was 3950 something. (In-joke for Planet of the Apes fans)

I like the word ‘shag’ it sounds soft and furry, a bit like Nova’s bikini. Not the word ‘bonk’ which just sounds accidental. ‘Oh I’m awfully sorry for bonking you dear…’

Now, no disrespect to the women of today, but if someone wanted to fire me into space to return to a future Earth conquered by violent Apes.... wait for it...  in which aforementioned Apes tethered me to Linda Harrison as her life partner, I would probably go for it.

And get this! She was also the first actress to play a live-action Wonder Woman in 'Who's afraid of Diana Prince' in 1967

Anyways, Linda is my Retro Nerd Babe No.6 who appears in both the Planet of the Apes and Beneath the Planet of the Apes, and cuts a damn, fine figure as Nova in her furry bikini ensemble. Although in all fairness to all the other actors, that’s not too hard when the rest of the cast are dressed as chimps.

Tune in to my next blog for our half-way point, and check out who is No.5 in the Top 10 Hot Retro Nerd Babes Countdown!