Sunday, 30 January 2011

Jungle-Beast-Bond Babe!

The athletic poise, and taut physique of a panther. The striking blue eyes. The hairstyle that could withstand an attack from a Sabre-Tooth Tiger....

It can be no less than Tanya Roberts. An 80s uber-babe that takes no less than 4th place in my Hot Retro Nerd Babes Countdown.
Now, shame on you if you havent experienced her in any of her sexy incarnations. Replacing Shelley Hack in the final series (5) of Charlies Angels, absolutely stunning in fantasy romp Beastmaster,

showing even more rippling flesh in Sheena: Queen of the Jungle,

This shot made her gynaecologist blush.
and appearing where every good sex bomb should, as a Bond Babe, in View to a Kill.
She was one of the most popular sex symbols of the 80s.
The soft porn thriller Inner Sanctum seemed a little bit of a fall from grace in 1991, but there was little that the Bronx born, babelicious Tanya could have done that would have upset me, short of announcing she was actually a man in drag. (Although there were some shots in that particular film which would have made that statement highly unlikely.)
As is evident in my babe countdown, animal skin bikinis seem to play a big part in my formative titillation. But what can I say? Nothing says: Lets go behind that bush and make mad, passionate, animal sex... until we're caught, more than an animal skin bikini.
Please watch the trailer of one my favourite appearances of Tanya, and one of my favourite fantasy films of all time: The Beastmaster.

Tune in to my next blog for the lucky No.3 spot.
Big D out.

Thursday, 13 January 2011

Bar-Bar-Bar, Bar - Barbarella

Jane Fonda's gorgeous, big haired, free-lovin', hippychick, space vixen takes a stand (or rather doggy postion) at our number 5 spot.
Now Ive got to be really honest and say I didnt see this semi-erotic, space tale until only a few years ago.
Ok. It did look dated, but I thought in a rather pleasant and nostalgic way. It still seemed to retain some of the hippy sentiments of the 60s and you even get more than one glimpse of Jane's perfectly, pert Boobarellas!
French and English versions were shot simultaneously, with Jane (being a fluent French speaker) doing her own lines in French. Let me say she is even sexier when speaking en Francais - ooh la la!

All said, the sex scenes are non explicit, but what did it for me was the scene where she is strapped into the Ex-sex-sive machine which is played like an organ (whoops, double-entrendre alert!) and adminsters sexual pleasure in doses that can be lethal. Well, the poor machine cant keep as Barbarella writhes and moans in ecstasy, and overloads. BOOM!
De Laurentis would return to camp sci-fi with the 80s classic Flash Gordon.
My only comparable Barbarella fantasy would be meeting a loved-up, tripped out sci-fi hippychick after having smoked too many Beatles records and perhaps having supped from a cup of  psychedelic fungus. I mean, I’ve been to enough festivals, taken enough dubious substances, and let my personal hygiene drop below the norm to tell you that drug-induced, free love aint all it’s cracked up to be.
Here, watch the truly gorgeous, Jane Fonda give a tititalling, zero-g, strip-tease as 1968 sci fi cult classic babe, Barbarella...

Tune in to my next blog were it becomes obvious I have an animal skin bikini fetish.
Big D out.

Monday, 3 January 2011

Planet of the Babe!

Next up is Linda Harrison… Who?

Oh, that’s the bird from Planet of the Apes to you nerds. (Not to be confused with the Linda Harrison that competed in the Slalom canoing events in the 1970s)
That sultry, simpleton. That curvaceous, cave-woman who could barely say her name or write it in the ground with a stick, let alone give you a shopping list or nag you to an early grave.
N.. No.. Nooova… (You all remember the scene)
Every mans dream, all this neonate minded, sex bomb wanted to do is sleep, eat, draw stick pictures in the sand, and shag like it was 3950 something. (In-joke for Planet of the Apes fans)
I like the word ‘shag’ it sounds soft and furry, a bit like Nova’s bikini. Not the word ‘bonk’ which just sounds accidental. ‘Oh I’m awfully sorry for bonking you dear…’
Now, no disrespect to the women of today, but if someone wanted to fire me into space to return to a future Earth conquered by violent Apes.... wait for it...  in which aforementioned Apes tethered me to Linda Harrison as her life partner, I would probably go for it.

And get this! She was also the first actress to play a live-action Wonder Woman in 'Who's afraid of Diana Prince' in 1967
Anyways, Linda is my Retro Nerd Babe No.6 who appears in both the Planet of the Apes and Beneath the Planet of the Apes, and cuts a damn, fine figure as Nova in her furry bikini ensemble. Although in all fairness to all the other actors, that’s not too hard when the rest of the cast are dressed as chimps.

Tune in to my next blog for our half-way point, and check out who is No.5 in the Top 10 Hot Retro Nerd Babes Countdown!